Too much to handle

Today is another day to deal with as a normal day. My hip still didn’t take effect with the injection. For the last couple of days I have been dealing with chest pains, shortness of breath, sore left arm, and a backside that is tender and very bruised. I really do feel like I have been hit by a truck (a couple of times).  Good thing I have the protection of the Lord when I wake up each day. What would it be like without him?

Dad came through his surgery today pretty good. All considering. I don’t think it will hit him for a day or so that he will be so dependent on others for a while. Thank you for your prayers, please continue them as it is going to be a very long process.  They will be transferring him to Mid America next week to start his rehab.  I’ll be there as much as I can for him. He called me tonight and seemed to be doing ok; I know the pain meds were helping him this time.  Paula said that his attitude and spirits were very good before and after the surgery, which is a blessing.

I talked to mom today and they found a lump in grandmas breast. She had a mastectomy 2 years ago, and will be having the other one removed soon.  We have to wait on the doctors and tests.  Grandma will be turning 90 this December and is still full of spunk.  She isn’t too worried about it and just ready to get the surgery done and over with. Again, please keep her lifted in prayer.

On a good note, I have applied for a service dog.  They said I might get one as soon as next February.  They are working with dogs now and it may be ready in Feb, or the latest of June.  The inmates at the Eldorado correctional facility as well as private homes train these dogs.  Megan said that they use the inmates more than anything. It is great programs for them and the inmates have strict qualifications in order to work with the dogs.  There is a cost involved with this program, and I am praying that one of the several grants that they told me about will be able to help out.  I am once again laying it in the Lords hands for the funds to come in.  Someone laughed at me today and said that I am asking too much of God.  Well, let me tell you that there is NOTHING too big for Him.  The $58 we have left for the trip and treatment in China, nope, not too big.  The $2500 for a service dog, again, not too big for Him. 

I know what the word says about prayers, and I am standing on His word.  The Lord has NEVER lead me astray, even though I have wondered off the path he has set out for me several times.  He still loves me and wants the best for me.  It is up to me to get back on the right path.  Psalms 23: reminds me that as I walk through the valleys….  Did you get that…? I’m going through the valley, not hanging out there.  So all of this to shall pass in time. 

One of my little CB friends is have major surgery tomorrow, they are replacing his skull. You heard it right, they will be giving Matthew a new cranium that was totally destroyed in the accident in August. He is becoming aware of some of his surroundings, I wonder if it understands that his momma didn’t make it through the accident, or understands anything that is going on with him.  I know he is feeling trapped in a body that will not respond.  I can’t imagine what he must be thinking or feeling.  Please keep this extremely brave little one in your prayers as he continues to be so brave while enduring so much.  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/peterandmatthewslattery.

Things have really been emotionally rough, and I am dealing with many things left out on here. I am trying to get through each day with a positive attitude and try to stay encouraged, but some days are hard and others are harder than those. Thank you Lord for giving me the strength to get through each day as it comes. I couldn’t do it without you, nor would I want to even try. Thank your for wrapping your loving arms around me when I need it and have no one else to turn to at the time. 

Lord, I have a few things to talk about though.  Just how much more do I have to endure?  I can’t keep doing this; it is just getting to be too much for me.  I try to stay strong and upbeat, but that is so hard at times.  I feel so weak and helpless tonight.  What do I need to do to make it all stop and go away?  Lord, your word says that you will not give me more than I can handle. OK, I AM THERE!!!  I hope you are listening to me tonight Lord; I just can’t take anymore! I am at my breaking point.  I am so tired of the pain, the inability to move, the loneliness, the struggles, a hurting heart, and the feelings of rejection.  I just want to feel normal, whatever that is.  Is it too much to want to be able to move around freely? To be without pain? To be able to breath without difficulty? To feel wanted, needed, or appreciated?  Is it too much to ask that all these dreams I have every night about death to go away and be replaced with visions of sugarplums or something like that? Is it too much to ask that I wake up in the morning and feel refreshed and rested?  Is it too much to want to just sleep comfortably and for more than an hour at a time? 

Lord, is all of this just too much to ask for?