my car is being redone by my brother Patrick, and his friend James, and son Wyatt.
lots of body work to be done to the old thing
everything has been gutted out and piled
it is just a shell nowTuesday, June 14, 2011
car in the making
my car is being redone by my brother Patrick, and his friend James, and son Wyatt.lots of body work to be done to the old thingeverything has been gutted out and piledit is just a shell now
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I have to share this with you what changes we are seeing now. Pain and muscles twitches and some burning sensations. This has all started with lots of therapy, accupuncture, and other Chinese Medicine. I can't tell you in words just how I feel about all this happening. It has been almost 4 years since I have see any kind of movement in my right arm.
I ran over my big toe today (5-31-11) and it was very painful as well. I haven't felt this since the end of 2007. I was chasing my new puppy "Luvy" and came down on my toe with the wheel of my chair. It does hurt so good though.
This is my new puppy, she is now 5 1/2 weeks old and weighs in at 1 pound and 3 oz. I am just copying what I have on caringbridge now..
I ran over my big toe on the right foot and FELT IT!!!!!! although it is pretty swollen and bruised- I am so Dog-gone-happy about it! YAHOOO, The right arm is still twitching and I can still feel it. I can not express to you how I am feeling about all this right now. God is SO GOOD...
Luvy is teething on my arm and I can feel her teeth as well...
Can I tell you that I am really loving this treatment, although it is a little on the costly side that insurance doesn't cover, it is WORKING!!!! for several years I have prayed for something to give a result. the Key to it all..
1) Prayer 2) the right doctors 3) Prayer 4) Friends like you who have supported me during thick and thin 5) Prayer 6) TCM 7) lots of exercise and work 8) Prayer 9) persistance 10) Prayer
My goals: by the end of summer: to be able to swim 20 laps consistantly (I have made it to 15, but not on a consistant basis yet). By the end of the year: to be able to stand on my own, and to be able to wrap both arms around my grandbabies for hugs.. by this time next year to be walking.... Please keep all this in prayer, and lets show the world that God still preforms miracles.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Step by Step, Not necessarily giant leaps!
Sitting here thinking about a few things, I have to say that one person from my past ( who influenced my life so much) that taught me that I can do anything I want IF I try and work hard enough was a teacher, Sharon Cox, from 1st-4th grade. Yes, four grades, I lived in a small community where you had four grades in one classroom. Mrs. Cox was the special education teacher. Not that I was special Ed, but I did need lots of help, guidance and encouragement. You see, I couldn’t say many letters of the alphabet, making reading hard. I was teased by everyone and my self-esteem was low. Mrs. Cox worked with me every day, and I remember that in 4th grade (after 4 years of work) I was able to give a puppet show, The three little pigs, to the whole classroom, using the correct language, and speaking each work correctly.
She taught me that it may take time to get what you want, it may not come over night but keep working and it will happen. She reinforced what my parents taught me, to never give up, even when it is hard. Leaving me with the desire to excel in what I am doing or working on and never giving up even when things are hard.
I was recently told that: “A person whose faith has been severely tested, yet who has come through the battle victoriously, is the person to whom greater tests, and more responsibilities, will come.” OK, Lord, I want to do YOUR will… but to be honest here, I don’t want any more test and/or responsibilities. I think I have had enough to last me a lifetime. I am going to be a little selfish here as ask you to see it my way for just a little while. Lord, I know what your word says but it hard for me to comprehend at times… You know that I want to continue to follow, endure, and work to concur each thing tossed my way, but it is so hard sometimes. Searching the word helps me break it down to make me understand it better (although in reality it is still HARD to want to fight/work for what I want and know it the right thing to do):
“Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. 4) But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you be perfectly and fully developed (with no defects) lacking in nothing.” James 1:3-4
Lord, as I stop now, I want to thank you for being you! You are the only one who knows my real past, present and future. You are the one I turn to for the strength that I need to get through each trial I go through. I also want to thank you for placing people in my life even at a very young age to help guide me in the right direction.
She taught me that it may take time to get what you want, it may not come over night but keep working and it will happen. She reinforced what my parents taught me, to never give up, even when it is hard. Leaving me with the desire to excel in what I am doing or working on and never giving up even when things are hard.
I was recently told that: “A person whose faith has been severely tested, yet who has come through the battle victoriously, is the person to whom greater tests, and more responsibilities, will come.” OK, Lord, I want to do YOUR will… but to be honest here, I don’t want any more test and/or responsibilities. I think I have had enough to last me a lifetime. I am going to be a little selfish here as ask you to see it my way for just a little while. Lord, I know what your word says but it hard for me to comprehend at times… You know that I want to continue to follow, endure, and work to concur each thing tossed my way, but it is so hard sometimes. Searching the word helps me break it down to make me understand it better (although in reality it is still HARD to want to fight/work for what I want and know it the right thing to do):
“The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!” Matthew 25: 21
God knows everything, right? He knows what’s in our hearts. He can turn a dirty and wretched sinner’s life completely around. If He can foresee it all and knows the faithful-godly person we will become… why does He allow the many trials and crazy situations intended by Satan to shipwreck our faith? Why do we have to endure so much doom and gloom in our lives if He already knows what the outcome is going to be? This is something that I wondered about. “And we know all things work out for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes.” Romans 8: 28
Take suffering as an example. If God is going to heal me, then why go through it in the first place? Just by reading the Bible, I see that God sometimes allows things to happen to teach us about faith and to glorify Himself – He allows something He hates because it accomplishes what He loves. That’s a hard truth to wrap my little brain around when I see some of the ugly things in front of me. Even though God knows a beautiful gem will be the result, I still have to go through the ugly stuff! I (we) need to go through it, because whatever it is… makes me (us) who I am (we are). It makes us strong. It makes me (us) able to endure. We learn to persevere, and we grow in character. We can comfort others who go through the same or similar things, where others can only try to understand. “Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. 4) But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you be perfectly and fully developed (with no defects) lacking in nothing.” James 1:3-4
Lord, as I stop now, I want to thank you for being you! You are the only one who knows my real past, present and future. You are the one I turn to for the strength that I need to get through each trial I go through. I also want to thank you for placing people in my life even at a very young age to help guide me in the right direction.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
A Helping Hand
I am so blessed with such great friends and family. The words of encouragement help get me through the days when I want to just give up. Not a day goes by when someone asks what they can do to help, as well, I too want to help others every day as they are struggling. I have tried to compile a list in areas where we can all help those who are struggling in any situation, not just illness.
If I look around, I can always find that there are greater needs than my own. While I find myself thinking: I really want to help them, but what do they need most? I can’t physically do a lot to help, but there really is so much more I can do.
As human beings, I feel we all need the following qualities in our lives to help us through our toughest times. Let me try to break it down.
Prayer: Regardless of the situation, the power of prayer is the greatest thing you can give an individual going through a trial in life.
Trust: We need to sense acceptance and value from others without judgment of our behaviors, feelings, reactions, displays of emotion, and lack of functioning; this includes confidential and consistent care through a crisis.
Relational Support: We need the presence of people who are comfortable with silence, who are aware of our needs, and who are both consistent and dependable.
Hope: We need encouragement from other people. Their commitment to pray for us. We need their dependable and calming presence amidst our doubts, our coping techniques, our mood swings, our lack of control, and our familial demands. We need to see a ray of hope, a light at the end of the tunnel.
Guidance: We need help developing new skills, healthy coping strategies, self-awareness, problem-solving skills, stress-management techniques, and the capacity to deal well with relational conflicts.
Affirmation of strengths: We need others to possess a positive regard for our personal development and character formation.
Patience: We need time to cry, to be mad, to have a pity party, to let go of wishes and dreams, to express hardship and sorrow, and to adjust to our new normal of activity.
Discovery of meaning and purpose in life: We need the opportunity to rebuild, restructure, reframe, and release life as it was before our crisis, so that we can live life as it is now.
Your Time: This priceless act of selflessness is the only thing that you alone can give. Your time is a valuable thing to offer someone going through a trial. Something as simple as just being there may be all it takes to help someone get through their day.
Next time you encounter someone who is struggling, ask God how He might use you to create a supportive environment where healing can happen.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Believe it or not...
Believe it or not, I have a decision to make.
Regardless of today’s issues or the circumstances that leave me feeling trapped or without hope, I am still free. What is that freedom? It’s the freedom to choose my attitude and actions in the midst of my struggles.
Several years ago, I had to come to grips with this fact. I had blamed God for my circumstances, fallen relationships, unfulfilled dreams, and what I believed were unanswered prayers and unjust circumstances. I had put Him into a box. If I wasn’t relieved of pain or removed from disappointments, then I would think God had somehow fallen down on the job. Now that isn’t a lovely thing to admit, but it is the truth. Coming to grips with being responsible and knowing the unchanging truths about life have taken time for me.
You may be struggling in a similar way today. However, making poor choices will never get you the freedom you want. You can choose to rebel, to fight God and others, to deny your anger, to wallow in victim-like passivity, or to disconnect from reality altogether. You are free to choose to go your own way, to make decisions based on your feelings, or to go with the crowd. You are free to choose what path you will walk. Maybe the only choice you feel you have available is what you are going to believe today about existing in the midst of your struggles. I have, through my own circumstances learned things about the Lord. Today, as you consider making your choices, here are two thoughts to ponder.
1) Remember what God has promised. Evaluate His promises. Throughout Scripture, God promised to be our comfort in times of sorrow and pain, to be a refuge when we are afraid, to love us unconditionally despite our actions or attitudes, to be patient, to listen, and to show mercy and kindness and forgiveness. But also remember that He never promised life without challenges, days without pain, constant happiness as the world defines it, public success, popularity. And He didn’t promise that we’d always get our own way or that we could earn or lose our salvation. Our Lord and Savior supplies for our needs in the midst of our struggles in life, but He does not promise to remove our struggles. Choosing to believe God’s eternal promises brings us to a place of peace and rest.
2) Remember what God has provided. Begin with what God provided to those in Scripture. He provided forgiveness, words, and courage for Moses. He gave David songs for his soul, rocks for his sling, and peace when he failed. He gave Jeremiah, Isaiah, and Daniel endurance. He gave Habakkuk forewarning. And by His grace, He has provided salvation through Jesus. In our lives today, He is giving us an opportunity to open the eyes of our heart and see things from His perspective, not ours.
In Deuteronomy, the Israelites had been held as captives for almost 500 years when God called Moses to lead the people toward freedom. On the promise of entering the land God had prepared, Moses said these words to God’s people:
“You shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.” (Deuteronomy 8:2)
Regardless of today’s issues or the circumstances that leave me feeling trapped or without hope, I am still free. What is that freedom? It’s the freedom to choose my attitude and actions in the midst of my struggles.
Several years ago, I had to come to grips with this fact. I had blamed God for my circumstances, fallen relationships, unfulfilled dreams, and what I believed were unanswered prayers and unjust circumstances. I had put Him into a box. If I wasn’t relieved of pain or removed from disappointments, then I would think God had somehow fallen down on the job. Now that isn’t a lovely thing to admit, but it is the truth. Coming to grips with being responsible and knowing the unchanging truths about life have taken time for me.
You may be struggling in a similar way today. However, making poor choices will never get you the freedom you want. You can choose to rebel, to fight God and others, to deny your anger, to wallow in victim-like passivity, or to disconnect from reality altogether. You are free to choose to go your own way, to make decisions based on your feelings, or to go with the crowd. You are free to choose what path you will walk. Maybe the only choice you feel you have available is what you are going to believe today about existing in the midst of your struggles. I have, through my own circumstances learned things about the Lord. Today, as you consider making your choices, here are two thoughts to ponder.
1) Remember what God has promised. Evaluate His promises. Throughout Scripture, God promised to be our comfort in times of sorrow and pain, to be a refuge when we are afraid, to love us unconditionally despite our actions or attitudes, to be patient, to listen, and to show mercy and kindness and forgiveness. But also remember that He never promised life without challenges, days without pain, constant happiness as the world defines it, public success, popularity. And He didn’t promise that we’d always get our own way or that we could earn or lose our salvation. Our Lord and Savior supplies for our needs in the midst of our struggles in life, but He does not promise to remove our struggles. Choosing to believe God’s eternal promises brings us to a place of peace and rest.
2) Remember what God has provided. Begin with what God provided to those in Scripture. He provided forgiveness, words, and courage for Moses. He gave David songs for his soul, rocks for his sling, and peace when he failed. He gave Jeremiah, Isaiah, and Daniel endurance. He gave Habakkuk forewarning. And by His grace, He has provided salvation through Jesus. In our lives today, He is giving us an opportunity to open the eyes of our heart and see things from His perspective, not ours.
In Deuteronomy, the Israelites had been held as captives for almost 500 years when God called Moses to lead the people toward freedom. On the promise of entering the land God had prepared, Moses said these words to God’s people:
“You shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.” (Deuteronomy 8:2)
Christ did not bind you to misery but made a way which frees you. You can choose to follow Him thoroughly by saying a simple prayer,
“Lord, I need you to save my soul, to open the eyes of my heart. Help me allow you to lead me for the rest of my life. I choose you, Lord; I surrender my life to you.”
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
I know I haven't posted anything for a while, but that doesn't mean that there isn't anything going on. It just means that I'm lazy about getting it written.
First off I have to give a HUGE shout out to the Lord for moving things so quickly for my friends Traci and Bill Vega. They will be traveling the end of this week to bring home their forever little girl. Zayla's adoption will be finalized very soon. I can't be more happy for them. My heart melts for families who are able to open their hearts and homes to the orphaned. I always wanted to adopt but with my health over the last 20 years or so, it just wasn't anything that I was ever able to take action on.
I am battling insomina still and it is driving me nuts. I have to say that a couple of hours a sleep a day is NOT enough to function fully. Thus, my body is not functioning or fighting as hard. I feel like I have been in the hospital more than at home recently. and this is where we are with all that. My trip to China is still pending, but looking less likely to be able to go. With this diease hitting and affecting the heart I am not able to fly. We are still trying to find the right combination of medications that will help stablize things so that I will be able to get through the days without any 'attacks'. We do have it controlled to about 2 attacks a day but that takes about 8-10 hours of the day to recover. NOT A GOOD THING!!! If you have ever had a charlie horse (muscle spasm) than you will understand when I say that it is painful. That is what is happening to my heart. MAJOR muscle spasms. They last for 30-45 minutes but it takes all the energy and strength that I have for several hours to recover. The medications are strong enough that it just makes me want to sleep, but I can't sleep nor function. It just feels like I am taking up space and breathing good air. Too weak to get off the couch or bed (wherever I am at at the time). I have had a group of wonderful ladies here at the towers step in and help me out more. bringing meals, and doing laundry and such.
My niece Kimberly got married this past weekend. Dave took me down, which was an almost 2 hour drive each way. The wedding was beautiful and it was great to see family. And I would do it all again! The down side to it is that I was totally exhausted for a couple of days, even more so than normal. i have a hard time traveling any distance right now. I sure hope that all changes soon.
Tomorrow I will be spending the day at KUMed for more testing and to get my tubes changed out. This is the first change out since the surgery. I have a list of questions for the doctor this time regarding the tubes. Why all the infection this time. I just can't seem to get rid of it for more than a couple of days at a time. Chronic UTI's is for the birds. We use extreme caution with cleaning, draining and caring for the current tubes, but this time around it just seems to harder to fight the infection. antibotics are good but I can only take so many without affecting other things. The bowels are not working properly, and haven't since dealing with the CDIF. The doctor has mention a colostomy several times. Not that I'm looking forward to that at all. Just another bag to deal with. But if that is what it takes, please Lord, help me through this process.
The MRI tomorrow will be to see the progress of this diease. We do this every 6 months to keep track of things. I never look forward to the results as it never seems to be good news, at this point I would take "no change" as the best news. Even with that, it could mean that the deteration isn't getting worse, but it doesn't mean that the internal issues are not changing. At this point, the lungs, heart, bowels, bladder and kidney's are affected, along with all the muscles. Trying to keep up with the 31 different medications I have to take several times a day is a charting process of its own. Sometimes I wonder if the medication is causing issues in itself. Is it possible that over medicating is an issue. Taking one thing to help with the side effects of another. When will all of this stop? Right now my prayer is for a day to really rest, be pain free "without pain pills" a day with lots of energy and strength. I have accepted that I may never walk again, and I'm ok with it (although I will never give up hope), but I would like to be able to reach out and hug with both arms.
I will NEVER give up hope! I WILL continue to strive to search for that cure, that treatment.
First off I have to give a HUGE shout out to the Lord for moving things so quickly for my friends Traci and Bill Vega. They will be traveling the end of this week to bring home their forever little girl. Zayla's adoption will be finalized very soon. I can't be more happy for them. My heart melts for families who are able to open their hearts and homes to the orphaned. I always wanted to adopt but with my health over the last 20 years or so, it just wasn't anything that I was ever able to take action on.
I am battling insomina still and it is driving me nuts. I have to say that a couple of hours a sleep a day is NOT enough to function fully. Thus, my body is not functioning or fighting as hard. I feel like I have been in the hospital more than at home recently. and this is where we are with all that. My trip to China is still pending, but looking less likely to be able to go. With this diease hitting and affecting the heart I am not able to fly. We are still trying to find the right combination of medications that will help stablize things so that I will be able to get through the days without any 'attacks'. We do have it controlled to about 2 attacks a day but that takes about 8-10 hours of the day to recover. NOT A GOOD THING!!! If you have ever had a charlie horse (muscle spasm) than you will understand when I say that it is painful. That is what is happening to my heart. MAJOR muscle spasms. They last for 30-45 minutes but it takes all the energy and strength that I have for several hours to recover. The medications are strong enough that it just makes me want to sleep, but I can't sleep nor function. It just feels like I am taking up space and breathing good air. Too weak to get off the couch or bed (wherever I am at at the time). I have had a group of wonderful ladies here at the towers step in and help me out more. bringing meals, and doing laundry and such.
My niece Kimberly got married this past weekend. Dave took me down, which was an almost 2 hour drive each way. The wedding was beautiful and it was great to see family. And I would do it all again! The down side to it is that I was totally exhausted for a couple of days, even more so than normal. i have a hard time traveling any distance right now. I sure hope that all changes soon.
Tomorrow I will be spending the day at KUMed for more testing and to get my tubes changed out. This is the first change out since the surgery. I have a list of questions for the doctor this time regarding the tubes. Why all the infection this time. I just can't seem to get rid of it for more than a couple of days at a time. Chronic UTI's is for the birds. We use extreme caution with cleaning, draining and caring for the current tubes, but this time around it just seems to harder to fight the infection. antibotics are good but I can only take so many without affecting other things. The bowels are not working properly, and haven't since dealing with the CDIF. The doctor has mention a colostomy several times. Not that I'm looking forward to that at all. Just another bag to deal with. But if that is what it takes, please Lord, help me through this process.
The MRI tomorrow will be to see the progress of this diease. We do this every 6 months to keep track of things. I never look forward to the results as it never seems to be good news, at this point I would take "no change" as the best news. Even with that, it could mean that the deteration isn't getting worse, but it doesn't mean that the internal issues are not changing. At this point, the lungs, heart, bowels, bladder and kidney's are affected, along with all the muscles. Trying to keep up with the 31 different medications I have to take several times a day is a charting process of its own. Sometimes I wonder if the medication is causing issues in itself. Is it possible that over medicating is an issue. Taking one thing to help with the side effects of another. When will all of this stop? Right now my prayer is for a day to really rest, be pain free "without pain pills" a day with lots of energy and strength. I have accepted that I may never walk again, and I'm ok with it (although I will never give up hope), but I would like to be able to reach out and hug with both arms.
I will NEVER give up hope! I WILL continue to strive to search for that cure, that treatment.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Paralyzed Jefferson City girl performs with cheerleading team
Paralyzed Jefferson City girl performs with cheerleading team: "7 year-old Margaret Romph will be on stage Saturday in her wheelchair performing with her former cheerleading teammates at a competition in St. Louis."
please take a look at this amazing little girl. She is such an inspiriation to many.
please take a look at this amazing little girl. She is such an inspiriation to many.