Too much to handle

Today is another day to deal with as a normal day. My hip still didn’t take effect with the injection. For the last couple of days I have been dealing with chest pains, shortness of breath, sore left arm, and a backside that is tender and very bruised. I really do feel like I have been hit by a truck (a couple of times).  Good thing I have the protection of the Lord when I wake up each day. What would it be like without him?

Dad came through his surgery today pretty good. All considering. I don’t think it will hit him for a day or so that he will be so dependent on others for a while. Thank you for your prayers, please continue them as it is going to be a very long process.  They will be transferring him to Mid America next week to start his rehab.  I’ll be there as much as I can for him. He called me tonight and seemed to be doing ok; I know the pain meds were helping him this time.  Paula said that his attitude and spirits were very good before and after the surgery, which is a blessing.

I talked to mom today and they found a lump in grandmas breast. She had a mastectomy 2 years ago, and will be having the other one removed soon.  We have to wait on the doctors and tests.  Grandma will be turning 90 this December and is still full of spunk.  She isn’t too worried about it and just ready to get the surgery done and over with. Again, please keep her lifted in prayer.

On a good note, I have applied for a service dog.  They said I might get one as soon as next February.  They are working with dogs now and it may be ready in Feb, or the latest of June.  The inmates at the Eldorado correctional facility as well as private homes train these dogs.  Megan said that they use the inmates more than anything. It is great programs for them and the inmates have strict qualifications in order to work with the dogs.  There is a cost involved with this program, and I am praying that one of the several grants that they told me about will be able to help out.  I am once again laying it in the Lords hands for the funds to come in.  Someone laughed at me today and said that I am asking too much of God.  Well, let me tell you that there is NOTHING too big for Him.  The $58 we have left for the trip and treatment in China, nope, not too big.  The $2500 for a service dog, again, not too big for Him. 

I know what the word says about prayers, and I am standing on His word.  The Lord has NEVER lead me astray, even though I have wondered off the path he has set out for me several times.  He still loves me and wants the best for me.  It is up to me to get back on the right path.  Psalms 23: reminds me that as I walk through the valleys….  Did you get that…? I’m going through the valley, not hanging out there.  So all of this to shall pass in time. 

One of my little CB friends is have major surgery tomorrow, they are replacing his skull. You heard it right, they will be giving Matthew a new cranium that was totally destroyed in the accident in August. He is becoming aware of some of his surroundings, I wonder if it understands that his momma didn’t make it through the accident, or understands anything that is going on with him.  I know he is feeling trapped in a body that will not respond.  I can’t imagine what he must be thinking or feeling.  Please keep this extremely brave little one in your prayers as he continues to be so brave while enduring so much.  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/peterandmatthewslattery.

Things have really been emotionally rough, and I am dealing with many things left out on here. I am trying to get through each day with a positive attitude and try to stay encouraged, but some days are hard and others are harder than those. Thank you Lord for giving me the strength to get through each day as it comes. I couldn’t do it without you, nor would I want to even try. Thank your for wrapping your loving arms around me when I need it and have no one else to turn to at the time. 

Lord, I have a few things to talk about though.  Just how much more do I have to endure?  I can’t keep doing this; it is just getting to be too much for me.  I try to stay strong and upbeat, but that is so hard at times.  I feel so weak and helpless tonight.  What do I need to do to make it all stop and go away?  Lord, your word says that you will not give me more than I can handle. OK, I AM THERE!!!  I hope you are listening to me tonight Lord; I just can’t take anymore! I am at my breaking point.  I am so tired of the pain, the inability to move, the loneliness, the struggles, a hurting heart, and the feelings of rejection.  I just want to feel normal, whatever that is.  Is it too much to want to be able to move around freely? To be without pain? To be able to breath without difficulty? To feel wanted, needed, or appreciated?  Is it too much to ask that all these dreams I have every night about death to go away and be replaced with visions of sugarplums or something like that? Is it too much to ask that I wake up in the morning and feel refreshed and rested?  Is it too much to want to just sleep comfortably and for more than an hour at a time? 

Lord, is all of this just too much to ask for?

I have had enough for today

A day I don’t want to repeat.  I met with the Spine Center.  We decided to do an injection of cortisone in the right hip to try to relieve the pain, as well as one in the left shoulder to help that out.  As we get back into the ‘surgery’ room to do the injections.  They couldn’t get me on the table very well, but once finally there it only got worse.  Lying on my back is very difficult for me to start with, after laying there for what seemed like forever they started the injection in the hip.  When I saw the needle they were going to use, I asked the doctor why something so long, it was like 7 inches long.  He stated that he needed to be able to get around the joint to get all the medication in.  They started the injection on the front of my hip, then OMGoodness I felt a HUGE stick on the buttocks where the needle went all the way through, and penetrated the bed. 

After we got it all done and back in my chair they then proceeded to do the injection in my left shoulder, which went fine.  Tonight I am able to move my left arm more PRAISE GOD!!!!  But my hip is still very sore.  The doctor said that since there was no relief, then the problem was in the spine area (which is what he thought to start with) and may need surgery to repair.  I am suppose to go back in 2 weeks to see what we are going to do with things from there.  Another MRI, 2 different doctors and more time to be uncomfortable and unable to move are what I have to look forward to in the next 2 weeks.  I would just like to have a break. 

Forgive me Lord for the things I said to the doctor today, I know it wasn’t very pleasing to your ears, but I am human and was hurting and VERY angry.  I will write the doctor a note just to say I’m sorry, but today, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him

With all of this, and not being able to shift weight and get off my backside, the pressure sore has gotten deeper; we are at 4mm deep now. We have a salve to put on it to try to heal it.  Reading about how they are taking care of Margaret’s sore, and seeming to get some results, I am going to try honey.  Yes, I said honey. I need to get this healed up NOW!!!!!!! And will be doing whatever I can to do so. 

Prayer request: My dad’s surgery to remove his leg is scheduled for this Wednesday, Oct 27^th.  I won’t be able to travel to be there with him, but will be praying from afar.  Pray for Margaret, Matthew, Gabe, and the Cunningham family who just met their beautiful little girl they are adopting and bringing home from China next week. 

This is my prayer

Lord, it has been tough lately, however I still continue to thank you for each day given to me.  Thank you for my being able to wake up this morning with the ability to see the sunshine, and hear the rustle of the leaves falling from the trees.  I am so blessed because you are a forgiving God and an understanding God.  You have done so much for me and you keep blessing me. 

Please forgive me for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you.  I ask for your forgiveness.  Please continue to keep me safe from all danger and harm.  Help me start each day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.  Help me make the best of each and every day, to clear my mind so that I can hear from you.  Please broaden my mind that I can 'accept' all things, even those I don't understand.  Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over.  May I continue to see sin through your eyes and acknowledge it as evil.  When I do sin, let me repent and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God.

When this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example - to slip away and find a quiet place and pray.  It is the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits.  I also know that when I can't find the words to pray, you listen to my heart. 
Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others.  Keep me strong so that I may help those who are weaker than I.  Keep me uplifted so that I inturn may have words of encouragement for others to lift up when they need it.  I pray for those who are lost and can't find their way, for those who are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know you intimately, that they will come to know you before it is too late for them so to see the awesome God that you are, that your love is unconditional and never-ending.  Help me to continue to pray for all of those who do not believe, and that I may never forget the Thank you for sending your Son, so that I can believe.

I know Lord, that You can change not only things but people as well.  Father, I pray for my parents and all my sisters, brothers, and children; for each and every family member in their households.  I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.  I pray that everyone knows that there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God.  May we remember to place every battle in your hands while leaving them there and not taking them back because we want to be in control and may we seek your guidance to help us through each of them regardless of how big or small they may seem.

I thank you for the time you give me to spend with my loved ones.  May they always know how much and how hard I fight each day so that I can be here with them for as long as I can. And when that time comes, Father, may they always remember that I love them and am so proud to be called their daughter, sister, mother, Mema, and friend. 

I come to you tonight with many request Lord, but I know that they are already known to you, as you know my heart. May those who have not come to you, turn and run to you, may their hearts receive your never-ending, everlasting, unconditional love.  May their mouths confess willingly and openly to you so that we will live together eternally with you.

Lord, continue to use me to do Your will.  In Christ's name I pray,
Amen

OSCI Certification, yeah, I did it!!!!!

Writing in the sand

Mom and I painting, working on our certification for One Stroke Level I  w/ Donna Dewberry

This was what we painted on day two,

our class consisted of 9 students and 3 instructors

Alma, Judy and Mom (Dorothy) on the back

Leah and I sitting on the front.

Harder for me to get the technique down, but I'm still working on it

Day 3 painting

Day 1 painting

day 1 painting

Now I know where all the butterflies come from, they must raise a bunch of them to have a big sale like this. 

Beach wheelchair, off Lake Michigan, Chicago is in the back ground if you look closely.

God's creatures sored over us while we fed them out lunch

 I was so glad to put my feet in the sand, checked off my bucket list, feet in the sand on the border of the USA

He is my Rock

day 2 painting