I am totally tired, but wanted to write an update.. Things have been really crazy this past couple of weeks. First, we had to admit my dad into the nursing home. The doctors at the hospital said that there really wasn’t anything else they could do for him, but keep him comfortable. At this point, dad isn’t able to take care of himself in anyway. Not able to sit up on his own without tipping over. Eating is a challenge as he chokes with each bite. His back side has several bed sores (he doesn’t have the strength to pull himself to his side to get off them).His mind isn’t what it used to be. I never know what he is going to say when I talk to him. Tonight he needed to hurry off the phone because he needed to get outside to help pull calves. There are times he knows where he is and times he doesn’t. It is sad to see and hear. But it does make you laugh with some of the things he says. Just kinda have to go with whatever he is talking about. Then there are times that he is aware of what is happening. You just never know what you are going to get when you talk to him.
After getting things settled in at the nursing home, we went to the funeral home to follow through with dads wishes. Doing this now is so much easier than when the time comes and emotions are running high. I know this, as I have planned mine already, as well. As many of you may remember, 4 years ago, the doctors were only giving me 3-5 years to live. Trying to make things easier for my family when the time comes was and still is important to me. Not that I plan on kicking the bucket anytime soon. As you read you will see all the new news. But regarding my dad, everything with his funeral has been done per his wishes, right down to the music and such. Gonna be something simple, but just what he wants. Not any single person knows when our last breath will be, but if we are prepared for things here on earth it is just one less added stress to the families/friends. So with him, more than anything my prayer would be for his salvation. We all have the right to choose our destination dad, but time is running out!
For some good news now, I have been working extremely hard in therapy, almost to the point of exhaustion some days. Standing and balancing have been top priority. Tuesday last week I stood for 31 minutes. Today, a week later I took, get this, TWO and I repeat TWO steps. It was max assist, however, I did it!!! Praising God just doesn’t seem to be enough right now. The Lord is running out of bottles for all the tears that have been shed over the last couple of weeks. Tears, of pain, joy, fear, hurt, being scared, seeing someone else you love being in so much pain and discomfort (yet trying to stay strong to their face). I’m glad the drive to the nursing home took a while. And Paula, I’m sorry for the pillow case slobber I forgot to tell you, but don’t worry it was Toms
Anyways, in therapy, we need to make a couple of adjustment to my brace. Today, my foot was turning sideways in the brace when full weight was put on it. And the locking mechanism slipped when we took a step. This causes alarm, so we are going to have it looked at before doing too much more. Working on core muscles and strength will be the focus for the rest of the week.
All the treatments (medications, acupuncture, herbs, vitamins and such) thus far have been able to happen because of the kindness and generosity of so many of you, from the fundraiser last year. And I can’t tell you thank you enough. Now the time has come that those funds have come to an end. I only have enough to cover the rest of October. After that, I’m won’t have the financial ability to continue anything but physical therapy since that is the only thing insurance covers, beside the medications from the pharmacy by prescription. And with that, the copays are still almost $275 a month. I have applied for Medicaid to see if I can get help with that, but the letter I got really shocked me. It stated, “you’re income is 135% below poverty level and with income guidelines you do not qualify for assistance.” It is not like I was asking for the moon or to have a free ride. I just needed a little assistance during a hard time. I am appealing their decision as well as writing letters to each of the manufactures of my medications to see if they have programs for ‘financial hardships.” They are out there; you just have to climb through the hoops to get them.
My plan now is to try to find a part time job, close enough so I can use the bus during bad weather, as well as work with my therapy schedules. I’m not sure how all this will work. But if there is a will there is a way. I have the will, and Jesus is the way… please stand with me in prayer that things begin to look up with all of this.
My service dog: well, it may be March before getting it now. They are going to work with it to help with standing stability now. Meghan didn’t think that they could have it trained for that by November. I would rather wait a little longer and get what is needed than to get it now and try to train it later. They were going to talk about it and see where things stand. The cost of the dog is already paid for out of the funds, and I am working on the expenses of travel and lodging for two weeks.
I will be setting up an esty account soon to start selling some of the things that I have made to cover some of these expenses. I’m not out to get rich, just to regain more health and independence. So watch for more information on some really cool things that I have been sewing, painting, beading.
I am still working on my book, my goal was to have it done by Christmas, but there is NO WAY this will happen. Not even close. So maybe by next Christmas.  I haven’t worked too much on it over the last few months because of pure exhaustion. And that is no time to try to write anything. After reading the book written by my dear friend Bill McDowell, who recently passed away, it really has encouraged me keep going on it. Bill was an incredible friend who is greatly missed. Passing by his seat in church each Sunday morning just saddens my heart. Although I know that our loss here on earth is a HUGE gain in Heaven. And in that very week, heaven gained three angels that were dear friends to me.
My little friend Margaret Romph that we have been praying for is and has been in the hospital for a little while. Her stay could possibly be up to 3 months.(Fighting a pressure sore that just wouldn’t heal). Please keep her in your prayers for this to heal as well as the rest of the family during this time where they are once again split up. www.caringbridge.org/visit/margaretromph
Thanks for listening to me ramble tonight, I really am working on something else to share. I know its been some time since sharing excerpts

My car is finished

I know it has been some time since posting, however, still lots of things going on. Hang on here it goes.

Lester and I traveled to Patricks to get my car On July 28th. and this is what we saw. Pretty amazing transformation if you asked me. There is still some things that need done, but Lester and I will be working on them together. They did get the modifications made so it is easier for me to drive and a little difficult however possible for someone else. Left footed pedals and all.

Lester: that is still another thing I don't remember blogging about: He really is one of the most amazing things that has come into my life recently that I can't imagine life without him now. What a gift from the Lord I have received. We went and had photos taken after church on Sunday, and will be picking them up in a week. How I really do love this man, and how I can't wait for more of my friends to meet him. I will post some of our photos when I get them back.

In the mean time, I am working extremely hard in PT/OT with some great results. First I am using the bio-nest to retrain the brain and nerves to connect. So far almost all the nerves in the right hand are connecting with the electric stem, all fingers and thumb will contract (close to a fist), however the thumb will not open on its own, the rest of the fingers will open. My brain is not getting the signal for everything yet, but continue to pray it will come. I am able to move my pinkie on command, and sometimes the ring finger. PRAISE GOD!!!! It is great to watch the Lord working and seeing his miracles in the making. Now for PT: The nerves using electric stem are really not working very well at all. However we are STANDING!! My right leg will not allow any weight bearing, but we are working with the orthopedic people to construct a brace to help with that. Some day soon I will be standing in church to sing praises to God! I have been going twice a week, and because we are getting some great results we have bumped it up to three times a week.

So in the mean time I have been busy doing several other things these last few weeks to stay out of this crazy heat. I have started to pick my painting back up and this time doing something a little different, painting feathers.  

I have also picked up some canning jars and made relish, both sweet and spicy. Lester really likes hot and spicy things so I am trying different recipes, and I hope they all turn out.

So I ended up with 4 pints of sweet relish, 4 pints of hot and spicy relish, along with 12 pints of tomatoes. Tonight I have finished two 1/2 gallon jars of hot/garlic/dill pickles. 1/2 gallon of garlic dill pickles. I have run out of cucumbers and will be running to the farmers market Saturday morning to finish with 1/2 gallon of regular dill pickles.

Today, Wednesday, I learned how to crochet and made a hot-pad. I have found an item to help adapt the hook so that it is easier to hold. It took me about 3 hours to complete this project, not bad for a beginner if you asked me. I think that that is about it for today. However it is quite enough. I can't sit still, I want to learn so many different things and keep going with the old things that I know, that I thought I would never do again.  It is amazing how the Lord works: 3 years ago, I was planning my funeral, I sold almost everything of any value or gave it to my kids to enjoy since I couldn't. moved from a home that I dearly loved and had done so much work on to make it work for me in my wheelchair. The men in my church really did work hard to make it comfortable for me and I can't say thank them enough. Even though I am no longer there, it did make everything so much easier while I was there. Now that I have a new lease on life and reason to really WANT to keep going, I will NOT STOP.  I made a call today to start college classes. I have been out of school for 26 years so I will have my work cut out for me, but I am going to go into the medical field (therapy) to help others as much as possible. I think since I have a good insight of what it is like from the patient side, I might just be able to help someone. I haven't decided yet what kind of therapy I want to go into, but thinking about OT or Recreational therapy.  Wish me luck!

Something else that I am doing, during these past few years I have made up a couple of items to help make things a little easier at home. These items can NOT be found on the market YET.... I have emailed a group to start seeing what I need to do to make this happen. Maybe just maybe, something I have made up for my own use will be able to turn around and help many others in the future.  Please keep all this in prayer for me as things are going to keep me busy and hopping. On top of all this, I have my membership renewed at Matt Ross so I can resume my swimming. I haven't been in almost 3 weeks now, although I have been in therapy, I can still feel the difference. My therapist are encouraging me to continue the water therapy as well since it help strengthen the muscles without resistance. My goal from the first of the summer to be able to swim 20 laps a day by September, well, I am close but since I haven't been for a while I need to work back up to the 15 that I can do. To tell the truth, 15 is amazing!!!!! and I am happy with that, but I am still going to try to reach my goal. If not September, someday.

As you can see, I am staying extremely busy, which is good. But I haven't stopped doing things around our apartment complex either. Still staying busy with programs here. 

I continue to thank the Lord for all the energy He is giving me, the strength to fight and work hard to regain my body all the while giving Him the glory for it all. Goodness I know this has had turned into a novel, but I have had lots of things going on.   

car in the making

my car is being redone by my brother Patrick, and his friend James, and son Wyatt.

lots of body work to be done to the old thing

everything has been gutted out and piled

it is just a shell now

I have to share this with you what changes we are seeing now. Pain and muscles twitches and some burning sensations. This has all started with lots of therapy, accupuncture, and other Chinese Medicine.  I can't tell you in words just how I feel about all this happening.  It has been almost 4 years since I have see any kind of movement in my right arm.

I ran over my big toe today (5-31-11) and it was very painful as well. I haven't felt this since the end of 2007. I was chasing my new puppy "Luvy" and came down on my toe with the wheel of my chair.  It does hurt so good though.

This is my new puppy, she is now 5 1/2 weeks old and weighs in at 1 pound and 3 oz.  

I am just copying what I have on caringbridge now.. 

I ran over my big toe on the right foot and FELT IT!!!!!!  although it is pretty swollen and bruised-  I am so Dog-gone-happy about it!  YAHOOO,
The right arm is still twitching and I can still feel it. I can not express to you how I am feeling about all this right now.  God is SO GOOD...
Luvy is teething on my arm and I can feel her teeth as well...
Can I tell you that I am really loving this treatment, although it is a little on the costly side that insurance doesn't cover, it is WORKING!!!!  for several years I have prayed for something to give a result.  the Key to it all..
1) Prayer         2) the right doctors    3) Prayer     4) Friends like you who have supported me during thick and thin     5) Prayer     6) TCM       7) lots of exercise and work     8) Prayer    9) persistance      10) Prayer
My goals: by the end of summer: to be able to swim 20 laps consistantly (I have made it to 15, but not on a consistant basis yet).  By the end of the year: to be able to stand on my own, and to be able to wrap both arms around my grandbabies for hugs.. by this time next year to be walking.... Please keep all this in prayer, and lets show the world that God still preforms miracles.

 

Step by Step, Not necessarily giant leaps!

Sitting here thinking about a few things, I have to say that one person from my past ( who influenced my life so much) that taught me that I can do anything I want IF I try and work hard enough was a teacher, Sharon Cox, from 1^st-4^th grade.  Yes, four grades, I lived in a small community where you had four grades in one classroom.  Mrs. Cox was the special education teacher. Not that I was special Ed, but I did need lots of help, guidance and encouragement.  You see, I couldn’t say many letters of the alphabet, making reading hard.  I was teased by everyone and my self-esteem was low. Mrs. Cox worked with me every day, and I remember that in 4^th grade (after 4 years of work) I was able to give a puppet show, The three little pigs, to the whole classroom, using the correct language, and speaking each work correctly. 
She taught me that it may take time to get what you want, it may not come over night but keep working and it will happen. She reinforced what my parents taught me, to never give up, even when it is hard. Leaving me with the desire to excel in what I am doing or working on and never giving up even when things are hard.
I was recently told that: “A person whose faith has been severely tested, yet who has come through the battle victoriously, is the person to whom greater tests, and more responsibilities, will come.”  OK, Lord, I want to do YOUR will… but to be honest here, I don’t want any more test and/or responsibilities. I think I have had enough to last me a lifetime. I am going to be a little selfish here as ask you to see it my way for just a little while.  Lord, I know what your word says but it hard for me to comprehend at times… You know that I want to continue to follow, endure, and work to concur each thing tossed my way, but it is so hard sometimes. Searching the word helps me break it down to make me understand it better (although in reality it is still HARD to want to fight/work for what I want and know it the right thing to do):

“The master was full of praise.  ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant.  You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities.  Let’s celebrate together!”  Matthew 25: 21

God knows everything, right?  He knows what’s in our hearts.  He can turn a dirty and wretched sinner’s life completely around.  If He can foresee it all and knows the faithful-godly person we will become… why does He allow the many trials and crazy situations intended by Satan to shipwreck our faith?  Why do we have to endure so much doom and gloom in our lives if He already knows what the outcome is going to be?  This is something that I wondered about. 

“And we know all things work out for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes.”   Romans 8: 28

Take suffering as an example.  If God is going to heal me, then why go through it in the first place?  Just by reading the Bible, I see that God sometimes allows things to happen to teach us about faith and to glorify Himself – He allows something He hates because it accomplishes what He loves.  That’s a hard truth to wrap my little brain around when I see some of the ugly things in front of me.  Even though God knows a beautiful gem will be the result, I still have to go through the ugly stuff!  I (we) need to go through it, because whatever it is… makes me (us) who I am (we are).  It makes us strong.  It makes me (us) able to endure. We learn to persevere, and we grow in character.  We can comfort others who go through the same or similar things, where others can only try to understand.
“Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. 4) But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you be perfectly and fully developed (with no defects) lacking in nothing.”  James 1:3-4
Lord, as I stop now, I want to thank you for being you! You are the only one who knows my real past, present and future. You are the one I turn to for the strength that I need to get through each trial I go through.  I also want to thank you for placing people in my life even at a very young age to help guide me in the right direction. 

A Helping Hand

  I am so blessed with such great friends and family. The words of encouragement help get me through the days when I want to just give up. Not a day goes by when someone asks what they can do to help, as well, I too want to help others every day as they are struggling. I have tried to compile a list in areas where we can all help those who are struggling in any situation, not just illness.  

  If I look around, I can always find that there are greater needs than my own. While I find myself thinking: I really want to help them, but what do they need most? I can’t physically do a lot to help, but there really is so much more I can do.

  As human beings, I feel we all need the following qualities in our lives to help us through our toughest times. Let me try to break it down.

  Prayer: Regardless of the situation, the power of prayer is the greatest thing you can give an individual going through a trial in life.

  Trust: We need to sense acceptance and value from others without judgment of our behaviors, feelings, reactions, displays of emotion, and lack of functioning; this includes confidential and consistent care through a crisis.

  Relational Support: We need the presence of people who are comfortable with silence, who are aware of our needs, and who are both consistent and dependable.

  Hope: We need encouragement from other people.  Their commitment to pray for us. We need their dependable and calming presence amidst our doubts, our coping techniques, our mood swings, our lack of control, and our familial demands. We need to see a ray of hope, a light at the end of the tunnel.

  Guidance: We need help developing new skills, healthy coping strategies, self-awareness, problem-solving skills, stress-management techniques, and the capacity to deal well with relational conflicts.

  Affirmation of strengths: We need others to possess a positive regard for our personal development and character formation.

Patience: We need time to cry, to be mad, to have a pity party, to let go of wishes and dreams, to express hardship and sorrow, and to adjust to our new normal of activity.

  Discovery of meaning and purpose in life: We need the opportunity to rebuild, restructure, reframe, and release life as it was before our crisis, so that we can live life as it is now.

  Your Time: This priceless act of selflessness is the only thing that you alone can give. Your time is a valuable thing to offer someone going through a trial. Something as simple as just being there may be all it takes to help someone get through their day.

  Next time you encounter someone who is struggling, ask God how He might use you to create a supportive environment where healing can happen.

Believe it or not...

Believe it or not, I have a decision to make.
Regardless of today’s issues or the circumstances that leave me feeling trapped or without hope, I am still free. What is that freedom? It’s the freedom to choose my attitude and actions in the midst of my struggles.
Several years ago, I had to come to grips with this fact. I had blamed God for my circumstances, fallen relationships, unfulfilled dreams, and what I believed were unanswered prayers and unjust circumstances. I had put Him into a box. If I wasn’t relieved of pain or removed from disappointments, then I would think God had somehow fallen down on the job. Now that isn’t a lovely thing to admit, but it is the truth. Coming to grips with being responsible and knowing the unchanging truths about life have taken time for me.
You may be struggling in a similar way today. However, making poor choices will never get you the freedom you want. You can choose to rebel, to fight God and others, to deny your anger, to wallow in victim-like passivity, or to disconnect from reality altogether. You are free to choose to go your own way, to make decisions based on your feelings, or to go with the crowd. You are free to choose what path you will walk. Maybe the only choice you feel you have available is what you are going to believe today about existing in the midst of your struggles. I have, through my own circumstances learned things about the Lord. Today, as you consider making your choices, here are two thoughts to ponder.
1)   Remember what God has promised. Evaluate His promises. Throughout Scripture, God promised to be our comfort in times of sorrow and pain, to be a refuge when we are afraid, to love us unconditionally despite our actions or attitudes, to be patient, to listen, and to show mercy and kindness and forgiveness. But also remember that He never promised life without challenges, days without pain, constant happiness as the world defines it, public success, popularity. And He didn’t promise that we’d always get our own way or that we could earn or lose our salvation. Our Lord and Savior supplies for our needs in the midst of our struggles in life, but He does not promise to remove our struggles. Choosing to believe God’s eternal promises brings us to a place of peace and rest.
2)   Remember what God has provided. Begin with what God provided to those in Scripture. He provided forgiveness, words, and courage for Moses. He gave David songs for his soul, rocks for his sling, and peace when he failed. He gave Jeremiah, Isaiah, and Daniel endurance. He gave Habakkuk forewarning. And by His grace, He has provided salvation through Jesus. In our lives today, He is giving us an opportunity to open the eyes of our heart and see things from His perspective, not ours.
In Deuteronomy, the Israelites had been held as captives for almost 500 years when God called Moses to lead the people toward freedom. On the promise of entering the land God had prepared, Moses said these words to God’s people:
“You shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.” (Deuteronomy 8:2)

Christ did not bind you to misery but made a way which frees you. You can choose to follow Him thoroughly by saying a simple prayer,

“Lord, I need you to save my soul, to open the eyes of my heart. Help me allow you to lead me for the rest of my life. I choose you, Lord; I surrender my life to you.”